Wednesday, May 11, 2016

When You Just Want To Know WHY

When my best friend answered the phone, I was already on the verge of tears.  I'd just spent the entire day at the Mayo Clinic with my medically complex baby son for the second time that week.  That day alone, he'd had several vials of blood drawn, two other tests run and three doctors' appointments, and yet we were still no closer to answers.  I'd had to hold my screaming baby down several times that day while he was poked and prodded, and my emotions were raw.  Davy's feeding tube site kept getting infected with MRSA, his lungs were junky which caused him to choke frequently, he wasn't gaining weight, he was developmentally delayed, and he kept getting sick.  I'd been told by several doctors that my son would probably have his feeding tube long-term and may never be "normal."  His future was very uncertain and scary, especially since we didn't yet have an underlying diagnosis for his many health concerns. 

It took just a few words from my friend for the floodgates to open.  In between sobs, I choked out one question, "Why?"

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/110690103320213615/

Why was my son so sick?  He was just a baby; what had he ever done to deserve all of this?  Why couldn't God just make him healthy?  Why was God making him suffer?  If I could take his place, I would've in a heartbeat, but I couldn't.  All I could do was hold him close and tell him how sorry I was.



At that time, I couldn't fathom what reason God would have for all that my son was going through.  I'd had several people tell me that if I just believed hard enough, my son would be healed.  I believed, but nothing happened.  I thought maybe God was out to get me.  After all, He'd allowed me to suffer severe life-threatening asthma attacks throughout my life that had left me with PTSD.  He'd allowed me to be in an emotionally abusive friendship.  I didn't see what good could possibly come out of any of what Davy and I had been through.

When You Just Want To Know WHY

Fast forward to today.  Davy is a fairly healthy, active two year old with a ready smile that melts my heart.  His feeding tube was removed in September 2015, and he has been unofficially diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, an incurable, progressive disease, along with myself and two of his siblings.

So what good could come from that intense year after Davy was born when he had so many struggles?  What good could come from the struggles I'd faced my entire life?  What good could come out of having Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, a connective tissue disorder that means living life in pain? 
 
Recently, I was talking to my friend, the same one who listened to me cry over the phone.  She recently got out of an emotionally abusive relationship and is currently in a custody battle for her children.  Several of her kids have special needs, and so she's struggling to come to terms with that too.

When You Just Want To Know WHY

And then it hit me.  My life experiences, even though difficult, had prepared me to help encourage her through this rough time and give her hope.  And there it was...the good that came out of the bad.

I recently wrote a blog post about receiving my Ehlers Danlos Syndrome diagnosis which was then republished on The Mighty.  Since then, I have received messages and emails from people who read my story and realized that the symptoms of EDS fit them perfectly as well.  They are now pursuing their own diagnosis.  Because of my story, others are getting the diagnosis they need.  And there it is...the good that came out of the bad.  

It's in these tough times that I've learned to lean on God even more and have grown closer to Him.  When you're in the valley, you can choose one of two paths.  You can either choose to draw closer to God or you can choose to turn away from Him and become bitter.  Personally, my trials strengthened my relationship with God.  And there it is...the good that came out of the bad. 

Tweet: So why do bad things happen to good people? Find out why at this post from @SunshineNSpoons http://bit.ly/1U7Qovy 
 
So why has God allowed all this suffering in my life and the lives of my children?  I may not know the full answer, but at least now I know part of it.  If my problems allow me to encourage and help even one other person and bring me closer to God, then they are worth it.

When You Just Want To Know WHY
We all have trials in our lives and sometimes, God may never reveal to us the reason why, but we can be assured that there always is a reason.  Something good can come out of the worst situations.  And as Mari-Anna from Flowing Faith pointed out in her comment, we shouldn't necessarily be asking why...we should be asking HOW.  "How Jesus is going to help me? How can I serve others better because of this? How is this going to enable me to become more intimate with Jesus? How is this helping me to become more like Jesus?"

Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.






This post is linked up at 1. Marilyn's Treats 2. Classical Homemaking  3. The Life of Jennifer Dawn 4. A Wise Woman Builds Her Home  5. Rich Faith Rising 6. Katherine's Corner 7. Grammie Time 8. You Are a Daisy 9. Missional Women 10. Being Fibro Mom 11. Coffee Shop Conversations 12. Creating With Joy 13. Susan B Mead 14. Called to Mothering 15. Love That Max  16. Comfort in the Midst of Chaos 17. The SITS Girls 18. Mom's Small Victories 19. Raising Samuels 20. Mummy Do It 21. The Modest Mom Blog  22. Mom's the Word 23. What Joy is Mine 24. Donna Reidland 25. Our Home of Many Blessings 26. Smart Mom Smart Ideas   27. The Joy Chaser  28. The Beauty in His Grip
 

36 comments:

  1. Most often we can't know "why" something is happening for us and in that sense it's unhelpful to ask those questions. "How" questions would be more helpful. How Jesus is going to help me? How can I serve others better because of this? How is this going to enable me to become more intimate with Jesus? How is this helping me to become more like Jesus? Thank you for sharing your story. God is shining through you so brightly. Abundant blessings to you and yours. God is so close by to all of you. He gently pours out grace upon grace. Rest in Him!

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    1. Such a good point!! I'm editing my post to include this! Thanks so much!

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  2. Great enlightenment. I know I have been there myself at faith is extremely tested. But if we cant give up our confusion and control to God then where are we? Thank you for sharing at #WonderefulWednesday! Pinned and shared and on my Feature List! Congrats!

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    1. It's when our faith is tested that we learn just how strong it really is. Thank you for the upcoming feature!!

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  3. Absolutely beautiful. You are so strong and an encouragement to others. If she can make it though, so can I.

    I am so relieved for you. Thank you Lord. Thank you for the reminder, lately I feel like we've been in that valley. Love you Hannah!!!!

    -Your sister in law.
    Sharalyn

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  4. It is hard not to question why things happen in our lives but we always need to try to learn from the experience. I'm so happy that you son has gone from stength to strength. Goodness can come from bad. Have a lovely day #upsydaisy

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  5. What a wonderful testimony to your faith. Having a child with special needs is very difficult. And like you, I had people tell me all the time, just believe and she will be healed. Well, I beg to differ. That was not His plan. His plan was to have her born with spina bifida and 25 years later she has been a living, breathing testimony of God's faithfulness and love. So hang in there and consider it a blessing. Even when it doesn't always feel like one.

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    1. Thank you! You're so right-God's plan isn't always for perfection as the world sees it.

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  6. Hannah, this is beautiful testimony! When I can find no answer to "Why?", I find the only comfort that I can in Heb 12:4-12--that our sufferings are God's discipline to bring us closer to Him. Also, too, I believe that the "Why?" may come long after the "What". You give testimony to this. Thank you so much for sharing this. I am glad that you have begun to find answers and that your son is doing better and finally has a proper diagnosis. I am wishing you and your family the best and praying for you all.

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    1. Thank you so much! The passage from Hebrews that you mentioned is also one of my favorites.

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  7. Hannah, this is a disorder I've never heard of, but now I want to learn more. With your positive attitude, you are going to be such a help to so many, not just those who share this particular diagnosis. Keep up the good work.

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    1. Many people have never heard of Ehlers Danlos. If you'd like to learn more about it, there's a link on the top of my page.
      Thank you so much for your kind words!

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  8. My oldest son was diagnosed with Autism at a young age. I have this question all the time Why? It's hard when they have a bad day and it makes life hard. It would be great to know why they have to suffer through it all. I know that we are given trials in this life to help us grow, also how precious theses children are that have disabilities and complications that have been sent to our families.

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    1. It's the hardest when it's our kids who are suffering. Hugs Mama!

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  9. I can't imagine what it is like to see your son suffering so much. Praise God he is now off the feeding tube! Sometimes all we can do is sit in the 'why' and wait and trust. It is great that you had a friend to talk to in this period, and now you can do the same for her, and tell her a little bit of the 'why'.

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    1. It's almost like our roles have switched now. She pointed out that God allowed us to "take turns" with our trials so we could each be strong for the other.

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    2. Sounds like you have a beautiful friendship. This was the most clicked post at the Blog Fair last week, so will be featured in tomorrow's party.

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    3. Wow, that's great to hear! Thank you so much!

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  10. Your post will be featured this week at Party at My Place for Most Viewed Links. Congratulations!

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  11. Your post touched my heart because I have been through similar. My daughter and I have Cowden's syndrome and even though she is 22, she is still my baby and seeing her suffer pains me. The only way I have got through the last few years is by believing that when life gives you lemons you make lemonade. May God continue to give you strength xxx

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    1. I had to look Cowden's Syndrome up since I've never heard of it before. I'm so sorry that you and your daughter have it. Thank you for stopping by and God bless you!!

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  12. Thank you so much for linking at #overthemoon! I look forward to seeing what you share every week. Please come back for #WonderfulWednesday or #ThursdayFavoriteThings. Don't forget to comment your link #'s so I can be sure to visit and you get a chance to be featured! Pinned and shared.

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    1. Thank you for stopping by and thanks for sharing!

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  13. Sometimes it's really hard to understand the why, and often we'll never know we just need to believe. Glad that you have the courage and faith to recognise the good. #sharethejoy

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  14. It's a question we all ask ourselves too often. It's human curiosity from frustration or other negative thoughts. Like you, I have asked myself time and again, Why me?, and it's always when I'm down and out. Never when I'm happy.

    I struggled with this for a long time during my healing journey, but you know what? I found a purpose of my chronic illness just as you did. We may not always see it right away, but as long as we see it eventually. Here is my story of finding the answer to Why me: http://www.beingfibromom.com/seeking-the-purpose-of-my-chronic-illness/

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    1. Thank you for sharing your story! I'm so glad that you were able to find a purpose to your chronic illness.

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  15. Thank you for putting on display a God-honoring faith! Blessings to you and your precious family.

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  16. Blessings and prayers to you and your family, Hannah! It is wonderful how you are able to encourage others. I'm so glad you shared with #SocialButterflySunday! Hope to see you link up again this week :)

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Thank you for your comment! I read and try to reply to every one :)