Wednesday, May 11, 2016

When You Just Want To Know WHY

When my best friend answered the phone, I was already on the verge of tears.  I'd just spent the entire day at the Mayo Clinic with my medically complex baby son for the second time that week.  That day alone, he'd had several vials of blood drawn, two other tests run and three doctors' appointments, and yet we were still no closer to answers.  I'd had to hold my screaming baby down several times that day while he was poked and prodded, and my emotions were raw.  Davy's feeding tube site kept getting infected with MRSA, his lungs were junky which caused him to choke frequently, he wasn't gaining weight, he was developmentally delayed, and he kept getting sick.  I'd been told by several doctors that my son would probably have his feeding tube long-term and may never be "normal."  His future was very uncertain and scary, especially since we didn't yet have an underlying diagnosis for his many health concerns. 

It took just a few words from my friend for the floodgates to open.  In between sobs, I choked out one question, "Why?"

Why was my son so sick?  He was just a baby; what had he ever done to deserve all of this?  Why couldn't God just make him healthy?  Why was God making him suffer?  If I could take his place, I would've in a heartbeat, but I couldn't.  All I could do was hold him close and tell him how sorry I was.

At that time, I couldn't fathom what reason God would have for all that my son was going through.  I'd had several people tell me that if I just believed hard enough, my son would be healed.  I believed, but nothing happened.  I thought maybe God was out to get me.  After all, He'd allowed me to suffer severe life-threatening asthma attacks throughout my life that had left me with PTSD.  He'd allowed me to be in an emotionally abusive friendship.  I didn't see what good could possibly come out of any of what Davy and I had been through.

When You Just Want To Know WHY

Fast forward to today.  Davy is a fairly healthy, active two year old with a ready smile that melts my heart.  His feeding tube was removed in September 2015, and he has been unofficially diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, an incurable, progressive disease, along with myself and two of his siblings.

So what good could come from that intense year after Davy was born when he had so many struggles?  What good could come from the struggles I'd faced my entire life?  What good could come out of having Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, a connective tissue disorder that means living life in pain? 
Recently, I was talking to my friend, the same one who listened to me cry over the phone.  She recently got out of an emotionally abusive relationship and is currently in a custody battle for her children.  Several of her kids have special needs, and so she's struggling to come to terms with that too.

When You Just Want To Know WHY

And then it hit me.  My life experiences, even though difficult, had prepared me to help encourage her through this rough time and give her hope.  And there it was...the good that came out of the bad.

I recently wrote a blog post about receiving my Ehlers Danlos Syndrome diagnosis which was then republished on The Mighty.  Since then, I have received messages and emails from people who read my story and realized that the symptoms of EDS fit them perfectly as well.  They are now pursuing their own diagnosis.  Because of my story, others are getting the diagnosis they need.  And there it is...the good that came out of the bad.  

It's in these tough times that I've learned to lean on God even more and have grown closer to Him.  When you're in the valley, you can choose one of two paths.  You can either choose to draw closer to God or you can choose to turn away from Him and become bitter.  Personally, my trials strengthened my relationship with God.  And there it is...the good that came out of the bad. 

Tweet: So why do bad things happen to good people? Find out why at this post from @SunshineNSpoons 
So why has God allowed all this suffering in my life and the lives of my children?  I may not know the full answer, but at least now I know part of it.  If my problems allow me to encourage and help even one other person and bring me closer to God, then they are worth it.

When You Just Want To Know WHY
We all have trials in our lives and sometimes, God may never reveal to us the reason why, but we can be assured that there always is a reason.  Something good can come out of the worst situations.  And as Mari-Anna from Flowing Faith pointed out in her comment, we shouldn't necessarily be asking why...we should be asking HOW.  "How Jesus is going to help me? How can I serve others better because of this? How is this going to enable me to become more intimate with Jesus? How is this helping me to become more like Jesus?"

Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

This post is linked up at 1. Marilyn's Treats 2. Classical Homemaking  3. The Life of Jennifer Dawn 4. A Wise Woman Builds Her Home  5. Rich Faith Rising 6. Katherine's Corner 7. Grammie Time 8. You Are a Daisy 9. Missional Women 10. Being Fibro Mom 11. Coffee Shop Conversations 12. Creating With Joy 13. Susan B Mead 14. Called to Mothering 15. Love That Max  16. Comfort in the Midst of Chaos 17. The SITS Girls 18. Mom's Small Victories 19. Raising Samuels 20. Mummy Do It 21. The Modest Mom Blog  22. Mom's the Word 23. What Joy is Mine 24. Donna Reidland 25. Our Home of Many Blessings 26. Smart Mom Smart Ideas   27. The Joy Chaser  28. The Beauty in His Grip