Friday, July 15, 2016

To the Doctor Who Stole My Hope


Dear Well-Meaning Doctor,

You saw me struggling to hold it together in your office that day.  Davy was 6 months old, and his many medical needs were taking their toll on me as I navigated my new life as a medical mama.  He hardly slept, cried almost constantly, turned blue and choked multiple times a day, and had a feeding tube.  I was exhausted, and the mom guilt from not being able to balance his needs with the needs of my other three children was wearing me down.

You saw all that, and you made it a point to look me in the eye and ask me how I was handling everything.  I saw the concern on your face, and I knew you cared.



"The only way I'm surviving right now is by reminding myself that it won't always be this way." I replied brightly, trying to pretend that I was happy even though I was absolutely miserable.

My parenting mantra that had gotten me through rough patches before was "this too shall pass."  I knew Davy's situation was unique, but I was applying my mantra to my daily life with him liberally anyways.  It was my hope, my saving grace at that point.

Gently, you replied, "You need to realize that it probably will always be this way."


I was stunned.  I wanted to cry, but I didn't.  I got through the rest of the appointment and fell apart the moment I got back in my van.

I know you meant well.  I know you were trying to prepare me for what could lie ahead.  But you stole a piece of my hope, and it took me months to get it back.

When Davy was 10 months old, we switched to a different health care system.  I wish I could take him back to see you again so you could see who he is now.  You saw a malnourished, screaming, sickly baby with significant delays.  Today, you wouldn't recognize this sweet, lovable, two year old boy who laughs all the time and loves to give hugs.  I can't go out in public without multiple people swooning over how adorable and personable he is.  He is an amazing little boy who only has mild developmental delays and whose medical concerns are mostly under control at the moment.

Remember the baby who hated eating? Check him out now--100% orally fed and tube free!

I was right.  It did get better and it's not as hard as it used to be.  
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To the doctor who stole my hope:

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The next time you come across a mom like me, please don't take away her hope.  It might be all she has left.  I'm not saying you should lie about a prognosis, but you don't know what the future holds for her little one.  Realistic hope is still hope.








16 comments:

  1. Thank you mommy for this post. Right now i am so far lost . My oldest daughter has relaped and my baby is ftt due to a complex of medical issues. We are days away f4om losing our home and i am a breath away from a breakdown. Seeing your lil man has given me so hope.

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    1. Oh mama, sending big hugs and lots of prayers your way! {{{hugs}}}

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  2. A doctor should never take away your hope, especially if it's all you have. Glad to see that your son is now thriving! You were right to hope!Stopping by from Pinterest Invisible Illness Awareness board.

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  3. Mommy instincts trump doctor knowledge nearly every time. You know your child better than anyone else. If your gut says to hold onto hope, then that's what you do.

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    1. Yup!!! I'm so glad that my son's doctors now understand that I know my son better than anyone else!

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  4. I'm so glad that Davy proved that doctor wrong!!!!

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  5. I hope the doctor comes across your post. I'd love for him to see your son is doing so much better than he predicted. Also, not to make him feel bad, but maybe make him rethink how explains things to parents going forward.

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    1. Exactly! I have no animosity towards him as I know he was only trying to help, but I want doctors to know that they need to be careful not to take someone's hope away.

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  6. Doctors can be so thoughtless. I can only imagine how you felt!

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    1. I know he meant well, but he really should've thought more before he spoke!

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  7. I thought I posted but it must not have take, I just wanted to say I'm really glad that you beat the odds and that the know-it-all doctor was incorrect. Maybe he'll see your post on Twitter.

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